Archive for May 2012

Don’t Let Up   4 comments

Lightning Strike In Sydney

Don’t let up when you find a protocol that seems to help!

I’ve seen this for years with people on psych meds… they take them, get to a good place and think, I’m fine.  I don’t need those meds.

I’ve seen it with people struggling with addiction… I’ve changed people, places, and things.  I’ve had some time.  Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought.  I can go to happy hour with the gang from work and drink club soda. . .

I’ve seen it with AIDS patients… I’m feeling great… I can let up on the cocktail of drugs.  I already have AIDS, I can have unprotected sex.

And I’ve seen these very same people have rebound depression from stopping meds too quickly, have relapses from the slippery slope of that one drink, that one old using friend, and I have seen. . . well, people die from thinking they have outsmart AIDS.

Magical thinking doesn’t just go away when we reach a certain age like grade school age.  We still think we have magical powers.  Guess what, what we have is responsibility for our actions, thoughts, and words, not magic.

I’m writing this after having come from the doctor’s office.  I let my guard down and feel like I’m paying the price.  I started a new med that the doctor had suggested without going to “THE google” first.

I didn’t pay attention to the signs like dramatic shift in my thinking and behavior.

I didn’t listen to a friend when she said, “What the hell are you doing rolling the dice”…

So, I’ve had a migraine since Tuesday, on the heels of some stress at work, with really humid, crazy-shifting barometric pressures, and after bending the rules while taking my mom to brunch for her birthday.

I haven’t had a migraine this bad since I first got diagnosed 8 years ago.  Well, this intense that I thought about an ER visit.  I had a few years where I had daily migraines and thought a stray bus running over me was the only thing that would put me out of my misery.  Mind you, I didn’t want jump in front of it, but if one happened into my dreams, while I was trying to sleep and could end it all, especially the pain, well, so be it.

But that was a dark night of the soul and I’ve worked hard to get to where I am.

You can’t stop the biofeedback.

Let me be more honest than that…

I can’t stop the biofeedback.

I can’t stop the mindful diet of foods that don’t create inflammation.

I can’t stop second guessing the doctors who don’t know enough about migraines or pain.

There are no holidays for good health.

There is learning from ill-fated decisions though.

A long time ago, I was a trainer for weight watchers and I learned a valuable lesson… when you screw up, don’t think, I can screw up all day today, the day is wasted… I can start over tomorrow.

B.S.

You start with that moment and make a better decision.

You make that day still count.

You can turn things around at any moment and get back to healing.

You need a plan.

You need friends to support you.

You need experts who you can trust.

You need love and compassion for yourself.

For me, this means making sure there is healthy food in the house — ie, high quality protein and lots of veggies with a few healthy grains like brown rice.

For me, this means being honest with friends so they can call me on my “stinking thinking” — to use a phrase from the 12-step tradition.

For me, it’s about making the time to manage stress by doing things I love.

For me, it’s about making sure I find mindful moments every day, every where, and in every aspect of my life.

For me, ultimately, it’s about walking the middle path, the road of balance and I’m lucky that I have something like the Eight-fold path to help me. . . as well as the Dharma, Sangha, and Buddha.

So, let’s get back to basics.

Let’s get on the cushion today, even if I have to sit there with ice on my head.

Let’s mindfully wash the dishes even if it’s one plate and then laying down for an hour to rest.

Let’s be gentle, honest, compassionate, and real with thinking and feeling.

Let’s start with that compassion and the breath.  Let me, today, remember that it starts with being compassionate for myself and finding that connection with everyone else who is in that same place so that the armoring can melt and I can get in touch with the raw achy heart of the warrior.

And I have to remember, I have choices all along the path.

I let my guard down.  But, I’m in pain and there is no reason who add shame, guilt, or anger onto what already is.

It’s time to remember what’s important, healing, and pertinent in this very moment… that would be health, breath, compassion, love, and connection.

So, at 12pm, I intend to turn the day around, even if it is only in very small ways… with every breath, I have that chance.

I hope you remember you do to.

~~ With lovingkindness

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